Insecurities of an Italian (One Shot)
by XaoshiTheKuroTenshi
Summary: Italy is suffering from every small thing Germany does that hints at him not caring and Germany has no idea! Can this misunderstanding be cleared up or will Italy make a huge life-changing mistake? WARNING: DEPRESSING THEMES AND CUTTING (R&R please )


**Enjoy this one-shot. This is a Songfic-One-shot based off of Hetalia and Natalie Merchant's "Skin". Enjoy. it's a little dark.. but please bear with me. WARNING: THERE IS DEPRESSING CONTENT AND THERE IS CUTTING INVOLVED.**

* * *

_**-Italy's POV-**_

I woke up today next to Germany today... I reached over to brush a hair out of his face like I always do. As I did that, he woke up like he always does. And as always, he stares at me a little.

**Germany, I love you. Can't you accept me for who I am?**

_Take a look at my body,_

_Look at my hands,_

Then he, as always, remembers something and pushes me out of bed and told me to get out.

**Am I not good enough? Why do you push me away?**

_There's so much here that I don't understand._

And again, as always, I flee towards the guest room to cry.

**Why do reject me so much? Am I that repelling to you?**

* * *

As I get ready for training, Japan walks in. Germany then rushes over to me to do what I know he will do: Lecture me about being late for practice.

**Germany, why can't you see how much your hurting me?**

_Your face-saving promises,_

_whispered like prayers_

As always, I take his lectures with smiles, FAKE smiles.

**I can't take this anymore.**

_ I don't need them, no I don't need them._

I then, as always, go outside with them to train reluctantly.

**Why is it so easy to hide my heart from you? Why can't you see ME!**

* * *

_Because I've been treated so wrong,_

On schedule, I promptly start making lunch, AKA PASTA~! As I make it Germany walks in and tells me "No pasta," and he tells me to exit the kitchen.

**I don't understand why you are so cold.**

_I've been treated so long,_

Always, he ALWAYS tells me "No Pasta". And he even tells me no siesta's during the day!

**Please, Germany. Don't take away everything I love. You've even taken yourself away from me...**

_As if I'm becoming untouchable._

**Do you seriously hate me that much? Would you care... if I were gone?**

* * *

NOT as always, today, I start my day in MY room.

**If you don't care, I'd rather spend my day in the humble darkness of my room.**

_Well content love the silence,_

**I feel like disappearing...**

_it thrives in the dark,_

**I am in so much pain Germany... Luddy... Can't you give me a little happiness.**

_with fine-winding tendrils that strangle the heart._

**I'm going to do it. Just you wait Luddy... I need to escape this pain. **I then get up earlier than Germany to prepare for morning practice NOT as always.

* * *

I started running for practice before Germany woke up. I then fell on my knee and it started to bleed.

**Where are you now that I need you? Didn't you promise to 'protect me' my friend?**

_They say that promises sweeten the blow,_

_but I don't need them._

**Wow, I guess this proves all of your promises are shallow.** I stand up.

_No I don't need them._

I start running and end up finishing the route as soon as Germany walks outside to start.

**Hmph, look at yourself. Pathetic. You...don't care...do you?**

Germany looks at me shocked but then walks up, congratulates me on trying harder, and starts the route.

**No, you don't care.**

I start sobbing as I walk inside and head to my room.

* * *

I pull out a blade and I cut gashes into my arm one by one.

**If you don't care...**

_I've been treated so wrong,_

And this continued for days and weeks without Germany's knowledge.

_I've been treated so long,_

_As if I'm becoming untouchable._

From that day on, I distanced myself from Ludwig...And I did not glop or hug him since that one fateful morning that I woke in my bed in the guest room.

* * *

I continued...

_I'm the slow dying flower._

and continued...

_I'm the frost killing hour, _

And Germany never cared or noticed...

_the sweet turning sour and untouchable._

* * *

**I'm all alone aren't I?**

O_h, I need the darkness,_

**On...**

_the sweetness,_

**and...**

_the sadness,_

**on...**

_the weakness,_

**He never noticed...**

_oh, I need this._

* * *

Ludwig was laying next to me when I woke up one morning.

**Luddy? Do you care?**

_I need a lullaby,_

He brushed the hairs out of my face.

**Do you love me too?**

_a kiss goodnight,_

He then kissed me on my forehead.

**Luddy...**

_an angel-sweet love of my life._

Then I woke up.

**Huh?**

_Oh, i need this._

**I hate my dreams...**

I scream at myself in my head.

**I hate myself...**

* * *

I again cut lines into my arm.

_I'm the slow dying flower,_

Soon the lines and scratches became gashes.

_the frost killing hour,_

**I hate myself... I should just disappear...**

_the sweet turning sour and untouchable._

**I'm so alone...**

* * *

_Do you remember the way that you touched me before;_

I remember the days Germany did not know I slept in his bed...

_all the trembling sweetness I loved and adored_.

**Why did you push me away suddenly?**

* * *

Again, I walk downstairs to start practice before Germany... except...

_Your face saving promises,_

Germany was sitting on the couch downstairs waiting for me. he told me "Keep up the good work Italy, If you want I could show you some ways to push yourself harder-"

_whispered like prayers_.

I ran out crying and screaming before he could say anymore.

_I don't need them._

**Why don't you see how much your words hurt me?!**

* * *

After I ran ahead of Germany I ran to a nearby forest and cried.

_I need the darkness,_

and cried...

_the sweetness,_

and cut...

_the sadness,_

and cried...

_the weakness._

**I can't take this anymore Germany...**

_Oh, I need this._

* * *

I then woke up with Germany next to me again.

_I need a lullaby,_

He kissed my forehead and professed his apologies for hurting me.

_a kiss goodnight,_

**NO YOUR LYING! THIS IS A DREAM! A NIGHTMARE! I HATE MYSELF! UGH!**

_an angel-sweet love of my life_.

I Jumped out of the bed and ran to the bathroom.

_Oh, I need this._

**I need to punish myself... I hate myself...**

* * *

_Well is it dark enough?_

I pulled out a razor and cut myself again.

**I hate...**

_Can you see me?_

I hear knocks.

**I hate...**

_Do you want me?_

I begin to scream as loud as I possibly can.

**I HATE MYSELF!**

_Can you reach me?_

"ITALY!" I hear Germany scream.

**Huh?**

_or I'm leaving_.

The door breaks down.

* * *

"Italy," Germany softly whispers as he cradles me in his arms.

**You don't care, don't touch me.**

_Then you better shut you mouth,_

"Stop" I whisper quietly.

**Your lying to me...you don't care!**

_and hold you breath,_

"STOP!" I scream as I cut an extremely deep gash on my arm.

**LIAR!**

_and kiss me now,_

"No!" Germany shouts as he holds me closer to his chest and sobs into my hair.

_and catch your death._

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" Germany manages to get out as he sobs.

_Oh, I mean this._

"Because...heh...you...don't care...?" I get out as I fall into the darkness called 'sleep'.

_Oh, I mean this._

**Oh Germany, why did you push me away so much?**

* * *

_**-Germany's POV-**_

-IN THE HOSPITAL-

I hold Italy's hand as he sleeps with a peaceful look on his face. He survived because I called the ambulence the moment I heard Italy scream before I broke down the bathroom door.

**Why is he in so much pain?**

I looked down at his arms and examined them.

**Why has he hurt himself to this extent?**

I gripped his hand tighter and I started to cry, again.

**Feli, my love, why?**

_**"Because you didn't care,"**_I remember him telling me.

**But I DO care...**

I suddenly feel Italy's hand grip mine.

"Italy!" I shout.

* * *

**_-Italy's POV-_**

**Why do I hear Luddy's voice? Aren't I dead? Or did I not succeed? Ugh...**

I open my eyes slightly to be blinded by white.

"Ugh," I moan.

"Italy!" I hear a German accented voice shout and suddenly I am bear hugged by an extremely buff man.

**Wait, that could only be-!**

My eyes suddenly shoot open.

"WHAT?!" I scream out.

"Italy?" He questions my response as he pulls back.

"..."

"Italy?"

"What are you doing here and why are we in a hospital and why am I not dead?" I suddenly blurted out.

"Italy~" Germany suddenly whines as he hugs me.

**Well this is definitely a new side I've never seen of him.**

"I love you how could you try and leave me all alone?" Ludwig cries into my hair.

"I thought you didn't care..." I whispered back.

"No, this is how I feel." He whispered into my ear as he pulls away from the hug and kisses me on my lips.

**Oh...well, I was wrong. Luddy loves me. And I love Luddy. I LOVE LUDDY AND LUDDY LOVES ME YAY!**

I suddenly take initiative and kiss his back passionately. He responds by wrapping his arms around my waist and I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Ehem," a doctor intrudes. "If you could excuse me, I need to take a look at .

"Oh, um, yeah..." Germany shys away from the bed and sits on a chair by the window.

After a few tests and questions, they allowed me to go home, with a new lover of course/


End file.
